Shake It! Taste It! Preach It!™ Hoodie

FLAVOR PROFILE: THE HOLY SPIRIT OF SMOKE

The Science

Lard Almighty was conceived from sacred smoke and culinary science. Each ingredient brings divine depth:

Smoked paprika and smoked black pepper deliver the holy smoke
Garlic and onion provide the savory foundation
Brown sugar balances with blessed sweetness
Secret spices create the miraculous finish

The Revelation

When these compounds hit your tongue, they light up the same receptors responsible for savory satisfaction. Translation? Your taste buds start speaking in tongues.

The Versatility

But this rub isn't just preaching to the choir of meat lovers. It performs miracles on:

Fish and seafood
Roasted vegetables
Anything that needs divine intervention

The Confessional

Real confessions from real grill masters

I used Lard Almighty and my neighbor's BBQ looked pathetic. I have no regrets.

— Bob H., Local Grill God

I told my spouse I made this rub from scratch. It's been two months. Don't tell them. Lard Almighty is my secret.

— The Back Porch Liar

I ran out, so I tried a competitor's rub. The meat wept. I quickly ordered four more bottles of this.

— A Repentant Grill Master

My doctor told me to cut back on flavor. I got a new doctor.

— Committed to the Cause

I don't even like cooking. I just like watching my friends lose their minds when they taste this.

— The Culinary Saboteur

I caught my teenage son sneaking into the pantry and just eating the rub off a spoon. I understand.

— Proud/Disgusted Parent

I accidentally used Lard Almighty on vegetables. I'm now a hypocrite, but they were the best darn veggies I've ever had.

— The Flavor Convert

The smell of this rub cooking on my smoker caused a neighborhood turf war. We're currently only talking through fence slats.

— Starting Trouble Since '24